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Good god.

I've decided that my DA and FA journals have seen enough crap, and that it's been clouding up my pages. So, like i've been promising myself, I'll try so start using my LJ for stuff like this. Just to kepe everything in once place. I myself am even getting really tired of typing up crap like this nearly every day - my fingers and heart are sick and tired of it. I wish I didn't have stuff to post. but my life has been rather 'beshattupon' lately, to use an artist i watch's term. So, here's another one.


As you guys who follow my journals on FA and DA know what's been happening, I'll just continue.

So, I've been feeling like I've lost something since I got my cell taken away. I'm no central hub of cellphone activity, but I have gotten used to having it and it's convenience around. Now, one of my best ways to contact old friends and my boyfriend is gone.
My only other phone choice is my home phone, and damn me to hell I'm gonna use that for late-night calls to my bf. If someone else picks up one of out multiple land lines, they'd get an earful of things I do NOT want my parents to know about. So, I have to suffice with my pc, which I am not in access of all the time.

Since I now don't have a job either (I was 'let go' from my 4-week pizza job because I have no 'ambition' and that was making the other backwater girls 'work twice as hard') My father said that he expects tings to be 'kept much straighter around here' and that I'm to follow orders better and keep things even tider.

what. the. fuck.

as if I don't do enough already. Seriously, my mother may as well leave seeing as how I am essentially the mother, or maid it seems more like, of the house. I:

*Do dishes and clean up the kitchen after meals
*Prepare single-handedly nearly ALL the meals.
*Get my siblings up and dressed and ready for school, which includes getting them out of bed, dressing them, washing their faces and hands and brushing their hair.
*Do ALL the laundry.
*Wash both my special needs siblings, one age 14, the other 8.
*Feed and check on the dogs.
*Attempt to keep the house some semblance of clean
*Fetch EVERY LITTL E THING for my mother because she's lazy. She even gets me to fetch her clothes for her to get dressed and her food EVEN THOUGHT HER OFFICE IS 6 STEPS FROM THE KITCHEN.

My mother does these things:

*Fold clothes then expect me to put them away.
*Make the occasional breakfast for my father.
*Sit and watch vlogs all day, or 'make websites' and talk to her Bariatric people.
*Make lunches for the kids then sits back as I GATHER and REMOVE all the lunch items cause she makes me take them to the living room, instead of preparing them in the kitchen.
*Sit some more.
*Talk to her friends about dogs.

Honestly. My mother has said to me multiple times that the only reason she taught me to do the dishes is because she loathes to do them. She has even said the only reason she had kids was to get them to do chores. Well, seeing as how I'm the only 'sentient' child, or child capable of doing so, all this is left to me.

As a result, my own room is a MESS because I am sick of having to clean. My mother even THROWS ALL THE EMPTY ENVELOPES AND JUNK MAIL on the floor while she's going through the mail I FETCHED and expects me to PICK IT ALL UP AND PUT IN THE GARBAGE. It's stupid little shit like that that really really pisses me off.

She even put on my resume that I am a 'caretaker' of my brother and sister and that I single handedly maintain the house. Yeah, that's really gonna get me a job fast.
Her favourite activities: roaring up the 2 flights of stairs from the basement (her room) so I can get her something menial, like her cellphone on her desk or a drink.

So, all of this makes it seem like she can lean back and have a relaxing life.


Seeing as how I'm such a fuck-ass idiot who can't get anything right or remember the simplest of jobs, I get in trouble ALL the time. You'd think I'd learn. I think I just don't care.
Example: last night mom asked me to take out a roast so it can thaw and she (read: I) can make it and have it ready for dinner.
I forgot. Reason: I'm tired and I really just want to escape from here. So, just another thing to make my mother steaming mad at the useless me.

My mother asks me (read: yells at me) why I have been so clueless and distracted lately, forgetting simple things and leaving things half-done.

This, me typing this, is why. I am SO sick to fuck of her doing stuff like this. I have written probably about 6 journals these past 2 weeks describing my adorable little corner of hell. All this stress and anger is not good for my short-term memory or brain synapses. I forget things, I move slower, I just don't care and have no motivation. I have commissions for people, and I've been having a hard time working on them because of my real life.

I am fine on my own. People who don't live with me say I'm an awesome, caring, fun to be with person. Yet at home I'm a despicable, useless empty waste of air. THIS is why I never want friends over. THIS is why I keep losing jobs and I STILL don't have my driver's licence.

I WANT to get out of here, so I can actually concentrate and maybe keep a job and be a person, but I'm afraid for my siblings. I'm kinda trapped.... my mother says she wants me to 'have wings' yet while I was in college she wanted me home at least twice a month and I'd come home to be greeted by a KITCHENFUL of disgusting rotting dishes to do. Yeah, what a welcome.

I want to get out, but I'm afraid to make the first steps. I don't want to mooch off of my friends and my boyfriend, even though they have offered many times to let me stay with them. I really really appreciate it, but I'm not sure if I can. I really don't want to be a nuisance.

So... this is it for now....

I'll write more later. I still haven't mentioned the chapter about my father.

I have to go rake the cut grass off the lawn(s) and dispose of it. I'll be back. 


Off to College

I'm off to College. I'm going to Max the Mutt Animation School in Toronto. Sorry if I don't get back to you as fast as I'd like to. Sorry if I sound rude -I'm just in a hurry (busy busy)


Now playing: The Guild - Do You Wanna Date My Avatar
via FoxyTunes   


Ish me.... first journal entries are always so boring...

Anywais. I decided to make a user here. Followed a few other people here and liked it. Much better than Facebook or MySpace (blearch - I refuse to use them)

I have a few other accounts on other sites... so I'll list them here if you're interested.

DeviantArt - dragonghosthalfa
GPX Plus - Kuda
Magistream - Kuda
MangaBullet - Kuda
FA - kyuushi
Gaia Online - Keytsune

My email is kuda.kitsune@hotmail.com, but I won't accept you without talkin to you for a bit on any of my sites, so I get to know you a bit.

Now playing: Relient K - Be My Escape
via FoxyTunes    

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June 2010


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